By Molly Lovell
Staff Writer
    Trying to find the perfect mate can be a daunting task at any age but as people grow older, some feel the difficulty increases.
    Cramming into bars with intoxicated 20-somethings has long lost its appeal and although the invention of Internet dating has broadened the horizon, that too has its downfalls.
    Biddeford resident Marilyn Harsanyi is trying to make the process a little easier by forming a new singles group in the area called “big beautiful women over size 16 and their male admirers over 30.”
    Their first meeting will be April 28 at the Kerrymen’s Pub in Saco and she is encouraging anyone within an hour drive to join in on the fun.
    “There’s a real need for it because there are not a lot of places, except bars, for people over 30 to meet,” Harsanyi said.
    She has rented a private room for the get together that she hopes will serve as a comfortable setting.
    “They will know that the men coming will be attracted to larger women,” Harsanyi said. “They will know that the men are not just looking at someone’s outward appearance; they will be looking deeper into the person and who they are inside.”
    Harsanyi’s friend, Jim Murphy, plans to travel from the Augusta area to attend the event.
    Murphy is 55-years-old and said it’s been difficult meeting mature women who know what they think and have well-based opinions.
    Murphy said he has always been attracted to “ample women.”
    “I’d rather hug a real woman than a scarecrow,” he said.
    “Real women are strong, solid and sexy,” Murphy said, adding that unfortunately, some men are threatened by such women.
    He said he wouldn’t describe his search for a meaningful relationship as challenging, exactly.
    “It’s been harder to meet a plump woman who hasn’t succumbed to the fashion images and who is happy with her physique. You can see the number society has done on them,” he said.
    Murphy said he thinks the media and the economy are the driving forces behind the idea that women need to be skinny.
    “There are generations of girls who have been making themselves sick . . . the economy needs people who are unhappy with themselves,” he said.
    Murphy said he’s met some wonderful women who, once they are comfortable in the relationship, want to lose weight to his dismay.
Murphy isn’t endorsing morbid obesity, he said.
    “I’m promoting some sanity around these issues. If you try to make your body do things that are not normal, that’s the opposite of health. Be happy with who you are,” he said.
    Harsanyi has been thinking about forming a local singles group for nearly a year.
    “I think people are getting cabin fever and I just thought it was a great time to do it,” she said, adding that as the weather gets warmer, she hopes to organize picnics and other events.
Another reason for organizing this group is because of her own disappointing dating experiences. Harsanyi said dating has been difficult for her since ending her marriage nearly seven years ago.
She has tried Internet dating and called it a “real challenge.”
    “I believe people hide their true identities and feelings and a lot of people just aren’t honest,” she said.
    Harsanyi has met roughly 30 people online and said many of them have blatantly lied about things such as their beliefs, what they’re looking for in another person and their appearances.
    “People want to put their best foot forward, and I don’t blame them there, but there’s an awful lot of exaggeration,” she said.
    Harsanyi has even been stalked by one of her online suitors.
    A man she met on one of the dating sites figured out where she lived and after sending her threatening e-mails, traveled from Boston to Maine and was banging on her door at 1 a.m. Though this was a frightening situation, she doesn’t think Internet dating should be ruled out completely.
    “I would just say be very cautious,” Harsanyi said.
    There is no membership fee to join the group or to attend the group’s first event in April. Anyone interested should e-mail Harsanyi at romntclibra@gwi.net for a reservation.
    In regard to her expectations, she said, “I would like people to have a great time, get together, meet each other and if anyone clicks, that’s wonderful.”